Two בחורי ישיבה studying גמרא wanted to smoke. Both of them being new to the ישיבה, they didn’t know if it was permitted. One of them went to the רבי to ask if they can smoke while learning and returned within a few moments to tell his חברותה that the רבי said it was אסור.
One of life’s mysteries is how eating a two pound box of chocolates causes you to gain five pounds.
A man who went off the דרך, approached a רב and mockingly said "I have a sore on my leg that's become infected and the doctor instructed that I apply a milk compress. Is that a problem of בשר וחלב?" The רב replied: "Let it fester for a few weeks until it's oozing with pus.
Throughout one’s life, a person must look in five directions: Forward, so that he knows where he is going; Backward, so that he remembers from where he came; Down, to assure that he's not stepping on others; to his Sides, to see who is supporting him when he's down; and Above, to remember that there
The Brisker Rav, רבי יוסי-בר, was told that an עשיר who also knew how to learn had bought himself the position of רב in a certain קהילה. "He struck a bad deal," רבי יוסף-בר said. "Before, he was known as a תלמיד חכם among בעלי בתים. Now, he will be an עם הארץ among רבנים."
Students who were upset that רחל, the wife of a town's רבי, was mean to them would say: רבונו של עולם - אימתי נזכה לעלות לקבר רחל?
An author of a ספר brought it to רבי אייזל חריף to request his הסכמה. He placed it on the open גמרא from which the רבי had been learning and asked him to look at it. After doing so and seeing that it was worthless, the רבי told him "I suggest that you leave here
One ישיבה בחור asked another for his opinion on a certain matter. “I don’t have an opinion,” he responded. “Well,” the first one said, “in that case, you’re lucky that you’re not a תלמיד חכם.” When asked why, he explained: “חז״ל say in Yerushalmi: תלמיד חכם שאין בו דעה, נבלה טובה הימנה.”
R’ חיים הלברשטאם, the גאון of Sanz, related that he received an inquiry from a רב who didn’t know a straightforward רש״י. “When I wrote my response to him,” רבי חיים said, “I didn’t know by which title to address him. I couldn’t call him גאון because that would be a lie. But not calling
Two lawyers, Goldfarb and Schwartz, opened a law firm in a non-Jewish part of town and hoping to attract goyish clients, called their firm Christian and Christian. On the very first call, when a prospective client asked for Mr. Christian, the receptionist asked: “Which Mr. Christian do you want, Goldfarb or Schwartz?”
