School children were talking and one asked the other what sign he was born under. He answered תיש, a billy goat. “There’s no such sign,” the other boy said. “Well,” the first boy explained, “when I was younger, my father told me that I was born under the sign of גדי, a kid goat, so
An eight year old boy overheard his parents talking about the death of an acquaintance who was still young. He heard his mother say: “The good die young.” That night, as he went to sleep, the boy said: “Hashem, I heard my mother say that the good die young. I just want you to know
R’ אריה-ליב הלר, the author of the קצות החושן, was once asked by a writer why his חידושי תורה are accepted, while the writer's חידושי תורה are not. רב אריה-ליב responded by asking: "When do you write your חידושי תורה?" The writer replied: "I do my writing when my mind is clear." רב אריה-ליב
At a meeting with the press, a journalist asked Albert Einstein: “The distance from New York to Boston is 300 miles. A pound of meat costs $3.00. My blood pressure is 140. How old am I?” Einstein fixed his face as if a computer inside was making the calculation. He said “fifty six.” The journalist
Many Lithuanian Jews had difficulty distinguishing between שין ימינית and a שין שמאלית. One חכם remarked: "Apparently, the Lithuanians are descendants of שבט אפרים, who, as noted in ספר שופטים, פרק יב, would say סיבולת instead of שיבולת. This was the result of יעקב אבינו crossing his hands, placing his right hand on the head
The אמרי חיים of ויז׳ניץ reported that ר׳ מאיר מראפשיץ said that there are מצוות that he would rather not be מקיים and there are עבירות that he would like to be עובר. He explained that when he hears people say that it would be a מצוה לעקור אדם מן השורש, that’s a מצוה that
There is the well known story of a man who so much wanted to be a כהן that, after being turned down by Orthodox and Conservative rabbis, was made a כהן by a Reform rabbi. What is not so well known is that when he went to services on Monday morning, eager to get an
A respected Jew who served his קהילה as their חזן, מורה, ושוחט, was falsely charged with a crime and stood in judgment before an anti-Semitic judge, who repeatedly mocked the defendant by referring to him as Mr. שוחט. At the close of the trial, when it was obvious how the judge would rule, he turned
Jack Roth had been extremely successful in life and was worth hundreds of millions of dollars. As his 85th birthday approached, he was asked how he felt. This is what he said: “I grew up dirt poor. We were 13 children with one bathroom and whenever I wanted to go, I couldn’t go. Now, I’m
As a חסיד entered the room of his רבי, the רבי was placing tobacco in his pipe. The חסיד took out a match and was ready to light the pipe, when the רבי said: “Thank you, but I’ll light it. גם אני נהנה לשרת תלמיד חכם נכבד.”
