A wealthy man was such a tightwad that he begrudged even himself a decent meal, subsisting on almost a starvation diet. One day, the רב approached him and told him that he is not acting properly. "השם blessed you with wealth," he said. "You must eat meat and drink wine every day." The חסידים were
A תלמיד asked his רבי: “The גמרא tells us that אסתר was ירקרקת and אחשורוש was מלך טיפש. How did they wind up with a son like כורש, who is referred to as משיח?” The רבי answered: “אין מיעוט אחרי מיעוט אלא לרבות.”
What do you call someone who derives pleasure from the bread of affliction? A matzochist.
A שמש in Telz asked the ראש ישיבה for a raise, exclaiming that he works 25 hours a day. "There are only 24 hours in a day," the ראש ישיבה responded. "Yes," the שמש said, "but as the boys can attest, I get up every day an hour before נץ החמה.”
A young man had the custom of eating chocolate every night of the Omer, beginning with one piece the first night and adding an additional one every night thereafter. "What happens if you miss a night," he was asked. "I have the chocolate the next day," he responded. "But without a ברכה."
In a Shul in בני ברק, before saying ספירת העומר, one man asked another כמה היה אתמול? The other replied 3.62 shekel to the dollar.
A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of red roses. "Tsk Tsk!" said the passer-by to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see
Sitting in shul one שבת, a pious man realized that he has ESP. He could read minds. He focused on the lawyer to his right and saw that he was thinking about the cases he was litigating. He focused on the trader to his left and saw that he was thinking about his stocks going
While campaigning for a seat in the British Parliament, Benjamin Disraeli met an anti-Semite who said to him: “I prefer to vote for Satan himself rather than to vote for you.” Disraeli replied: “I fully understand, but if your relative doesn’t run, can I count on your vote?”
When a writer brought a ספר by the name of ידי משה to רבי אייזל חריף for a הסכמה, the רבי quickly reviewed it and said "A more appropriate name for the ספר would be פני משה." "Why?" the writer asked. "Because no one was able to look at פני משה," the רבי answered.
