סנהדרין סג
A Jewish community in Vienna had rented the Beethoven hall for ראש השנה, יום כיפור וסוכות. Unfortunately, things got completely out of hand on שמחת תורה that it became a חילול השם. The רב commented: אל תקרי בטהובן אלא בית און.
סנהדרין סב
The מונקאטשר רב, the בעל מנחת אלעזר, once saw a Jew smoking a cigarette on שבת. “Perhaps you have forgotten that today is שבת” the רב said to him. “No, I haven’t forgotten,” the man said. “Perhaps you don’t know that the תורה states that it’s אסור to light a fire on שבת,” the רב
סנהדרין ס
A מומר in Czarist times who wrote a ספר rebutting עלילת דם and otherwise intervened on behalf of Jews received a note from a רב saying: “Don’t flatter yourself because לכך נוצרת.” The מומר responded: “רבי, עד שלא נוצרתי איני כדאי, ועכשיו שנוצרתי כאילו לא נוצרתי.”
סנהדרין נט
Rab Zusha of Henipoli asked the brother of Rav Elimelech of Lijinsk: "The ספרים הקדושים tell us that the נשמות of all the בריות were included in the נשמה of אדם . Thus, you were there as well. How then do you explain your failure to stop אדם from sinning?" The holy man answered: "If
סנהדרין נח
On the day of his mother in law’s funeral, Robert was seen heading to his office. “Aren’t you going to the funeral?” he was asked. “Business before pleasure,” he responded.
סנהדרין נז
One little boy asked another, "Do you think that נח went fishing from the תיבה?" His friend replied "No. He only had two worms."
סנהדרין נו
As שלמה המלך said, there is nothing new under the sun. אדם and חוה had a computer. Naturally, it was an apple. But it only had two bytes. Once they were gone, the whole system crashed.
סנהדרין נה
After listening to an arrogant חילוני, a רב asked him: “What is your name?” קלמן he replied. ”Your name suits you well,” the רב said. “The ראשי תיבות of קלמן are כיזבנו לצנו מרדנו ניאצנו." “Rabbi,” the חילוני said while laughing, “don’t you know that קלמן is spelled with a קו׳ף and כיזבנו is
סנהדרין נד
When רב ברוך was sick and couldn't see visitors, הירשל quickly put on the רב's clothing, sat in his chair and made himself the רבי. A חסיד came to see him to ask how he should do תשובה for a great sin that he had committed. "What was the sin?" הירשל asked. The tearful
סנהדרין נג
A rabbi, a חזן and a shul president on a trip to South America were captured by bandits, who threatened to kill them. They were each offered one last wish. The rabbi said “I want to give a final two hour sermon on the esoteric meaning of life.” The חזן said “I want to give